Michael Bay. King of destruction. Subtle is a word that doesn't ever enter his mind. Bad Boys. Armageddon. Pearl Harbour. You know what you will get with a movie by him. It's gonna be loud, dumb and a lot of fun! Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is loud and dumb but not so much fun. The poster above says everything about the movie. More Fox is a brilliant feature though...
With the first Transformers movie, Bay created an entertaining, funny and slick action movie. Its final action sequence was poor but the first hour was so good I didn't give a toss. Shia Labeouf and Megan Fox oozed chemistry and the entrance and subsequent dilemma of concealment of Transformers Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Ironhide and others was great to watch. Their was also a collection of brilliant action sequences in a desert and US Army base. It was well edited and not too long. It also let the story breathe and left enough time for the characters to not be overshadowed by the big metal robots. Revenge of the Fallen does not even try to do this.
From the opening five minutes, Shanghai getting absolutely flattened, it is clear that this movie will be loud and action packed. And this is exactly what I expect with a Transformers movie. What really grates is that the action is extended beyond belief. The editing job is forgotten about here, leaving the movie to feel like an Extended Cut DVD or Blu-Ray. It's slick and well shot but lacks any sort of feeling or differentiation. Literally Bay goes to Egypt, France, Jordan, China and the US as well as the Oceans and blows everything up. And I mean everything. And some of it looks superb like Devastator sucking up all in his vicinity in Egypt whilst the battle rages on alongside but the hilariously anticlimactic finale is unforgivable.
There are other segments of action sequences especially the very, very long final showdown that stun. But it is so indulgent that it becomes interminably dull after awhile. Nothing in the film matches the scorpion battle in the first film. That was entertaining and well paced not to mention fresh and tense.
The problem with the first movie was the final showdown. Revenge...gives us an epic and overwhelming final battle but after you've seen five helicopters crash you really don't seen to see it another five times. Repetition is the dilemma here. Essentially all the robots do is smash each other. Barring Optimus and Bumblebee it is hard to tell who's fighting who sometimes and it is hard to care. Optimus is the only robot with any heart, the rest are just pieces of metal.
Bay jumps from location to location with impressive scope and a wonderful expansive feel of Egypt and Jordan. He also steals from Timur Bekmanbetov (Wanted, Night Watch) with numerous slow-mo's with bullets and zooms through walls. It looks great. The Fallen's lair is nicely executed and a set-piece involving an infiltration of a military base by a Jaguar-like robot is breathtaking. Bay maintains the feel of the first movie with the slick sheen of gloss painting the whole movie from Megan Fox's rear to the endless battles.
What really grates though is the sickeningly similar storyline to the first with yet another 'key' being hidden and the two rivals battling it out to find the thing. Unfortunately in contrast to the first one where there were amusing Autobots and a great simmering chemistry between LaBeouf and Fox, Revenge...opts for a painfully unfunny pair of robots who just say 'punk-ass' and 'bitch' throughout. Then there is the atrocious old 'British' (oh how unpredictable Bay!) robot who is devastatingly irritating. Oh and was there any need to destroy the Smithsonian Museum? Yes? Ok then Michael.
Amongst the mess are the humans. Shia again shows his charisma can carry any heap of junk with an energetic and committed performance that powers the movie along...just. A great scene in a lecture with Professor Rainn Wilson (The Office's Dwight) is a breath of fresh air as is a wonderful scene where Shia tells Bumblebee he can't take him to college. But that's in the trailer! Fox is hot. Extremely hot. And considering her role she is fine. Critics have slammed her but in all fairness with what she has to work with, she does a decent job. Later on in the film when Shia lies unconscious on the ground she shows some quality and it is enough to keep me interested in her new movie Jennifer's Body (scripted by Diablo Cody). Even the parents of Shia's Sam Witwicky which were so much fun in the first are now just annoying and stupid. Mother takes drugs and loses it, Dad is just cardboard cut-out idiot. The interesting theme of a parent letting his son leave and making his own life is explored in minimal detail thus creating an empty plotline. Fox and LaBeouf manage to keep some chemistry going and they just about keep the movie on track. John Leguizamo's return is fun as well. Much needed comedy is injected with his entrance which is unfortunately diminished by Shia's pointless and vapid roommate who for some reason lives for the whole film. Yeah that pisses me off man. No-one dies in this movie. Spoiler Alert. No One Dies. Come on Bay!!!!
And what Bay thinks he is achieving wiht an endless stream of bemusing sex gags is beyond me. Dog's screwing, a robot tries to screw Fox 's leg and then we have awkward moments with various characters in compromising situations. It's just lazy. No effort went into the script and when there is little emotion in a film it is hard to care who wins. By the two hour mark you just want it to end.
Shamefully Bay sets up a third installment with a unforgivably similar ending to the first movie. I welcomed Linkin Park's New Divide at the credits...finally some quality!
This movie just proves that you can't just have explosions and nothing else. People may criticise Fantastic Four but it knows its limitations so it cuts the running time to 90 minutes and puts fun before indulgence. I saw 12 Rounds recently with John Cena. That was better than this! It had tension and a hero you actually care for. And as for Terminator Salvation? It kicks Transformers out of the park.
$339 million takings so far in US alone! The money rolls into Bay's gravy-train. Well count me out of the third movie Michael, I'm not really interested. Although if Fox is in it...
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